Letter to HIM

Since I’m trying not to speak to you this is the best route I could think of. I’m so angry at you right now. I know it’s wrong to love you. I’ve finally learned after 15 years that your a manipulative narcissistic drug addict that probably didn’t even ever love me just used me. Is that why it’s so easy for you to act like I never existed? Is that why you can just go on about life like you don’t have a wife and daughter at home? Is it really possible for you to have never loved me? It’s so hard for me to believe that I loved a man for 15 years for someone to tell me you didn’t love me because you are incapable of loving anyone but yourself. That the person I seen was not even really you! Like my mind hurts my heart hurts. You claim I allow people to put you down but I don’t. And I definitely never tell our daughter anything bad she literally comes up with everything on her own. She knows by now what you act and look like when your messing up. But I tell her no matter what her daddy loves her. Because I don’t want her to feel like she’s not worthy enough for your love. Why wasn’t we enough? How can you claim you love us and want us but everytime you get us handed to you on a silver platter you run off to get high or steal or get drunk or better yet cheat on me. How can you claim you love me and yet allow your entire family to put me down?? Especially since I’ve been a dang good wife and I’ve tried my hardest to be the best mom I could be considering you’ve left me to do it on my own since day 1. I’m so angry at you for not loving me. I’m so angry at you for sucking me in time and time again to believe all the lies. I’m so angry at myself for believing you loved me and you would be the man I knew you could be. I’m so angry at us both for giving our daughter a broken home. I’m broken. I’m hurt. I’m angry. I will always love you but I wish I didn’t!