15 years of love gone just like that

Outside looking in it’s like why on earth would anyone ever try to be in a relationship with an addict. We’ll it’s pretty simple especially if you know the person when they aren’t on drugs. The more you think about it though after everything you question who really is that person you fell in love with. Did you fall in love with the person or the person they pretended to be. Before you know it you’ve been in love with this man for 15 years of your life and you have given him and this marriage your all literally your all. Then next thing you know a lot of speed bumps, rehabs, jail, prison, separation and your here 15 years later trying one more time to make it work. Next thing you know it’s been 72 hours without seeing or hearing from them; your use to the drugs and him going missing over night but not 72 hours and nothing at all. This time is different you begin to worry something bad happened you usually have some sort of way to find them but after so many years they learn your tricks so your stuck sitting here just praying everything is okay. You start beating yourself up because you was so angry before and now your questioning was it okay to be angry what if something bad happened to them. But then you get into their email and you find out they have been down the road from you this entire time hopping from motel to motel and on random websites posting naked pictures to find random women to hook up with. Shattering your heart thinking to yourself why not me why am I not good enough to be with when in reality it’s the drugs and them unhappy with themselves it has nothing to do with you. Anywho you get a fake number message him acting like your a girl named Allison and you got his info from a website well next thing you know he’s wanting to meet up with you at a hotel all while he’s still ignoring his wife and daughters texts and phone calls. So here I am waiting at a hotel praying he don’t show up. And just when you was beginning to think maybe he couldn’t go through with it. He pulls in. Your heart shatters into a million pieces and then your filled with rage you pull in behind him get out get your car keys from him and he’s shocked to see you. Right then and there your staring at a man you’ve loved for 15 years and he has zero emotion in his eyes nothing there at all. Not until you leave he starts begging you to not leave him but then he messages another female to ask her to come get him. So must not have bothered him to bad to see how hurt his wife was. Once again outside looking in why on earth would you be with someone like this. I ask myself this question every single day. This time I made him leave. This time I pray I stay away. This time I pray I heal and never look bad. Until then I will come to this page and express my feelings wether it be past memories, present memories or hopeful moments.